[TGB] The First of Five

It wasn’t much of a goodbye.

In fact, it wasn’t a goodbye at all.

One morning the Silver-Shadow woke up, he looked out into the darkness of caverns before him and he knew. Pisciz was gone.

Any number of thoughts might have crossed his mind. How could this happen? Why did he leave? Why didn’t I stop him? But none of them did. He knew the answers to them all, for better or for worse.

It had been a long time coming, really. Out of the five surviving heirs to Cenek and D’ialia’s bloodline, Pisciz had always been the odd one out. The first son. He was nothing like his parents. And they knew it. Everyone knew it. Pisciz had known it. There was no doubt in Cenek’s mind that little Primus had known all along.

Did it hurt?

The only one of his offspring to remain in his own tribe and still he had not treated Pisciz as a son. Was I disappointed? A bit. Unfairly so, of course. How horrifically unfair that he had not treated the most outwardly sensitive of his children with the dignity and respect he had deserved. How horrifically unfair that when the Shadow Spirit chose him out of all his siblings to stay, Cenek had felt only shock.

I wanted to say something to him.

But did he really? After everything that had happened… Cenek had sent a raid led by his own deputy to find Pisciz. He’d done everything he could think to do as soon as he’d discovered that the first son was still alive and it had resulted in nothing but chaos. The blame lay on the Silver-Shadow, he’d earned this, but somehow it didn’t help to know. He couldn’t even look Pisciz in the eye.

And maybe he wanted to feel less ashamed, to change the situation going forward, but he hadn’t. He never said, ”Primus, it’s going to be alright now. I’m sorry I never paid attention to you like I should have. I’m glad you’re safe; I promise I’ll never take your life for granted. Let’s go home.”

It just wasn’t… Him.

And of course he regretted it, but there was nothing he could do now. It was too late. Far, far too late. I can’t go back and return the love I never gave. Life doesn’t work that way.There was no point in wishful thinking.

He wouldn’t even be able to beat himself over the whole ordeal, no matter how much he deserved it. Even when he’d thought that Pisciz had died, he hadn’t grieved. But then… Maybe this wasn’t the end. Maybe one day Pisciz would come back. He’d go searching for whatever he had to search for, and he’d come back knowing more and having done more and feeling better. And what would Cenek do then?

Would it be any different?

He wanted to promise that it would be, though he’d never really changed in all this time. But surely, knowing all he knew now, he would handle things better next time. Surely it would be different.

Not for me. For him.